When a “curator of sex” becomes a mama…
As a "millennial mother" I’ve come of age feeling as if I was constantly striving toward obtaining the total package of existence---professional success and personal satisfaction. I always considered the prosperity of my sexuality and desire an interwoven assumption of adulthood. Before motherhood, I could only intellectually understand how and why my relationship with sex would change. I smile at the naiveté of my former self. And my former self knew a lot about sex.
Although I had the unique distinction of being the Curator of the Museum of Sex in New York for more than a decade, had a graduate degree in Anthropology with a focus on gender, and was even dubbed by Cosmopolitan Magazine to be a "sexpert supreme," I can now admit it was officially the process of becoming a mother that was the finishing school of my sexual education
It was a humbling lesson to learn that in spite of my head full of sex facts, and my uncommon comfort with the topic (I chronicled my sex curator experiences in a memoir, Sex in the Museum: My Unlikely Career at New York’s Most Provocative Museum), none of it had truly prepared me for the identity navigation I would need to endure once becoming a mother.
Not only was motherhood a mind, body and soul upheaval, but unexpectedly it was also a confrontation with a societal mirror on maternal sexuality that left me totally perplexed. Was I meant to now prove I’m still sexy in spite of being a mother or did “sexiness” somehow make me maternally inappropriate? I was already having a hard enough time adjusting to my new identity of mama. It felt oppressive to now also worry about my “yummy mummy” status.
As I negotiated "mama sex" on a personal level, and saw the enthusiasm in which the topic was met over mama coffees, drinks and dinners (in awe of the freedom fellow moms felt in sharing with me because of my unique professional background), I felt obliged to merge the first person experiences of modern motherhood with historic and cultural analysis, the root of my training as both an anthropologist and curator.
Like many of you, I kept asking myself why didn’t anyone tell me, prepare me, educate me on the million and one changes I would soon face in terms of my body, my sense of self, my partnership and my relationship to sex. And I wondered, how does even a "curator of sex" not have enough information, support, resources to tackle the complex web of physical, emotional, historical and social forces that converge in the battleground of motherhood and sexuality?
With my first child born in 2011 and then my second born in 2014, finding myself in the trenches of motherhood and with “sex” as my profession, it quickly became apparent how many of us were struggling, how many of us felt isolated and alone, and how poorly we were being supported by society.
In researching all the reasons so many are struggling with “mama sex,” it became painfully clear that too many mother’s are casualties of inadequate perinatal and postpartum support (both psychologically and physically) as well as the emotional exhaustion of living in the "motherwhelmed" culture of modern motherhood.
I realized modern mamas don't need 5 ways to spice it up in the bedroom; we need help disentangling and freeing ourselves from all of the reasons “mama sex” is so charged and complex a topic, as well as confronting why after so many movements of feminism and sex positivity, it is still such a cultural taboo.
So with a sea of anthropological dots to connect, in 2017, I officially began writing about "mama sex," snatching moments here are there between the never-ending responsibilities of motherhood, a move overseas (we transplanted from New York to London) and other work projects/distractions that always seemed to take precedence. While I was often frustrated by what has felt like the longest literary gestation imaginable, only now can I see how that time benefited the holistic approach of this book.
As I ebbed from newborn, toddler and school age children evolving my relationship to motherhood, the topic of “mama sex” has also gone through an evolution where more and more people giving it the attention it deserves. And with that groundswell of maternal narrative making, education and advocacy, where it is said, “Motherhood is the unfinished business of feminism,” i believe the mama sex revolution has been born.
It is my deepest hope that if we confront and unpack all these combustible elements, this collision of social-cultural-historical factors triggers --- one no previous generation of mothers has seen the like of because we are unlike any previous generation of mothers --- the mama sex revolution could successfully fight against all of the many, many ways society is fucking with our sex lives, with the ultimate goal of (re)-claiming sexuality on our own and individual terms, as well as for the future generation of mamas , who like us, deserve better.
A Little More About Sarah
Pursuing the ultimate portfolio career … my academic background in Anthropology has given me the foundation to become a multidisciplinary content curator, consultant, author and personal ethnographer.
Growing up between the mountains of Arizona and the heart of New York City, my childhood dream was to live with a tribe in the Amazon. I was dead set on a life full of adventure…and following the path less travelled. Eager to explore the world, my passion for Anthropology brought me to archaeological examinations of Mexican pyramids, the cross-cultural exchange of the East-West Center at The University of Hawaii, and to a social science think tank in Caracas, Venezuela. But as a graduate student at the New School for Social Research in New York City, my path would be forever changed by a chance visit to the newly opened Museum of Sex.
For more than a decade I served as the Curator of the Museum of Sex, cultivating a wealth of experiences for my first book and memoir, "Sex in the Museum: My Unlikely Career At New York's Most Provocative Museum (St. Martins Press, 2016). A story teller through objects, I've had the unique pleasure of being an "Indiana Jones" of sex, and a featured expert everywhere from the New York Times to The Today Show.
As a sexual culturalist — someone who studies sexuality from a socio-cultural-historical perspective — since 2011, I began working with a range of start-ups. cultural organizations, arts collectives, publications, websites and production companies, creating both content and strategy for those who recognize a better understanding of sex, sexuality, and identity are essential in the world we live in.
With this background, in addition to my curatorial and consultancy work, I’m serving on the Advisory Board for the Vagina Museum, London, as an expert for Motherly Media as well as a member of the Sexual Misconduct Board for Summit, which designs experiences that connect and inspire a community of today's brightest leaders.
I am also a proud recipient of The Motherhood Studies Practitoner Certification awarded by Sociologist, Dr. Sophie Brock.
As a “Curator of Sex” I have been featured in:
The New York Times * Cosmopolitan Magazine * Independent* New York Post * Daily News * New York Observer* Time Out New York* Village Voice* El Diario* Boston Globe * Chicago Tribune,* Associated Press * Reuters * Art Daily * I-D * Antenna * Print * Radar * Nylon * Sculpture * New Scientist * Huffington Post * Elite Daily * Galore * Vice’s Motherboard * Psychology Today and more.
I have appeared on the Today Show, CNN, Discovery’s Curiosities with Maggie Gylenhaal, MSNBC’s Dylan Ratigan, CBS, Huffington Post Live, HBO's Katie Morgan Show, Bravo’s Ironic Iconic America, Mike and Juliet, Montel, VH1 Brazil, Playboy Radio, Resto del Mundo and the documentaries Indie Sex, featured on IFC, as well as Behind the Burly Q directed by Leslie Zemeckis.
